Self-charter: Norms

This is Section Two of a five-part series on Self-Charters, an exercise in self-management and personal accountability. In this series, I explore how to design a charter that helps clarify values and establish a framework for guiding one's actions. Click here to start from the beginning. Keep reading to learn more about defining your self-charter's norms.

What behaviors do I normalize to protect my peace as much as I protect my performance?

This question's answer is equal to your self-charter's norms.

When building team charters, I've found this category especially helpful in revealing the company norms that drain the talent's energy. Holding a space for people to speak on the behaviors they want to normalize combats anti-patterns and empowers folks to protect the more positive aspects of the team's organic culture.

When building a self-charter, this category empowers an individual to do the same. What behaviors are you normalizing for the benefit of others rather than, or worse, to the detriment of yourself? What behaviors do you want to normalize to rebuke self-sacrifice while embodying your core values? Here are mine.

Continuous refinement

I am a garden that I tend and I find satisfaction in pulling the weeds. Whether it's proactively soliciting feedback at work or pushing myself to add the extra spring in pilates class, habitually seeking growth serves me well.

Willingness to be challenged

I stand firm in my beliefs but I have no difficulty changing my mind with new information. I also normalize saying, "I'm willing to be challenged," out loud before stating a strong opinion. I've found it lightens the mood while encouraging folks in the room to listen more closely to see if they do indeed disagree.

Empathetic listening

If there are five levels of listening, I strive to reach the top level as often as possible. Empathetic listening engages with the speaker by showing understanding, compassion, and sensitivity to the speaker's emotions and perspective. It goes beyond simply hearing words to recognizing the emotional content and underlying feelings behind those words

Yes, there are days when the best I can provide is active listening (one aspect of empathetic listening). Yes, there are days when I catch myself selectively listening. Yes, there are meetings where I straight-up multi-task to put out a fire on slack and thus catch myself pretend listening.

The important part about this norm is that I strive for empathetic listening, catch myself when I'm not there, and then course correct accordingly. And if I'm, caught multi-tasking, I just admit it and move forward.

Asking questions

I seek understanding in all situations, especially before asserting that someone or something is incorrect.

I once read a joke that resonated in the depths of my overtly esoteric designer's soul. It went like this:

Q: How many designers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Why a lightbulb?

The joke demonstrates that it's a designer's nature to question nearly everything. Believe me, I've learned that defaulting to questions can sometimes be exhausting but in most cases, I find it helpful.

The thing the joke gets wrong, though, is how the question is framed. I've recently learned that asking 'what' and 'how' rather than why yields a lot more clarity for all parties involved. Rather than going into examples, I invite you to give it a try and see how things shake out.

Choosing joy

I bat away stress and toxic positivity so the silver lining in any situation can show itself to me more clearly.

With the cacophony of voices urging us to set boundaries, remain loyal, give from a place of abundance, and stay up to date on world news & politics all at the same time, choosing joy can be tricky business.

So how do I maintain this norm? Meditation. It may sound trite, but it's the truth. Stillness removes me from the machine for a few moments. It raises my voice above the cacophony and sends me back into the machine with the tools I need to remain in control of my stress responses. Stillness reminds me of my privilege and gives me the strength to mobilize it for good.

Moving forward

These norms act as a foundation, helping you maintain balance and alignment with your core values. By identifying the habits and behaviors you want to uphold, you ensure that your actions protect your well-being as much as your productivity. This reflection empowers you to create a healthier, more intentional approach to both life and work.

Next: Self-charter: Necessary Roles